Stemming from my blog on Why do I talk to God?, my random thoughts led me to reflect upon why else do I turn to God?
When I was diagnosed with mental illness in 1992, my thoughts were filled with LIES. A Iie that I am not loved almost led me to take my own life. A lie that I am stupid almost led me to think others are always smarter than me. A lie that I will never be capable enough, led me to easily run away from dealing with stress in life to many years of multiple hospitalizations. A lie that I will never find happiness led me to be into multiple unhealthy relationships. A lie that my mother caused all my emotional and mental pains led me to verbally inflict anger on her.
My anger against my mother was the last straw. . .
In my previous blog mentioned above, at a young age, I began talking to God. I felt that God was always listening. He was always nearby. My anger against my mother became the last straw. I continued to talk to God. In that lowest of low point, I was in a church pew one day with my family. The choir was singing the song, Be Not Afraid (with lyrics) , and I cried uncontrollably. It was like the lyrics spoke to me.
You shall cross the barren desert, but you shall not die of thirst
You shall wander far in safety though you do not know the way
You shall speak your words in foreign lands and all will understand
You shall see the face of God and live.
Be not afraid
I go before you always
Come follow me, and
I will give you rest.
If you pass through raging waters in the sea, you shall not drown
If you walk amid the burning flames, you shall not be harmed
If you stand before the power of hell and death is at your side, know that I am with you through it all.
Blessed are your poor, for the kingdom shall be theirs
Blessed are you that weep and mourn, for one day you shall laugh
And if wicked men insult and hate you all because of me, blessed, blessed are you!
John Michael Talbot
He instantly gave me rest from my thoughts. No matter what troubles I had, He was with me. No one has power over Him. I was overwhelmed with a love so pure, permanent and strong.
I believe that is the day I said “yes” to Him. It took more than a few years but those LIES in my thoughts began to fade and that led me to seek Him.
I chose to go to a good bible-based Church regularly. I chose to pray in the Adoration Chapel whenever I could. I chose to find a good spiritual mentor. I chose to attend religious gatherings. I chose to study the bible. I chose to understand that solitude can be good. One choice came after another, always leading me to be in search of Him.
Why else do I turn to God? He is my answer. I had made up my mind in that church that I did not want to live my life filled with lies in my thoughts. I wanted to live with thoughts full of God’s LOVE which is pure, permanent and strong.
Wow this was a powerful testimony! Amen – replace lies with the truth of Gods Word about who we are in Christ. We are His beloved children. We are precious in His sight. We are valuable. I love the song you quoted btw. And so true that it’s the choices we make one by one that help lead us step by step closer to God and the destiny He has called us to. And yes God is the answer to all our troubles! His divine love is the healing balm that restores our body mind and spirit! I like the way you put it: pure permanent and strong!
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