What have I done in my story of my life?  I had not taken responsibility for my finances.  I used my mother to pay for my first car.  She had asked me to help her pay month after month and I avoided and forgot about her requests.  I kept using the car.  I had not taken responsibility for my finances.  I had been in debt from overspending while my mother gave me $300 extra a month to pay for my extracurricular activities.  Month after month, I received and spent.  I was 20 years old.  I went about my business and remembered my mother only when I needed her.

Then, I had a boyfriend who told me basically that he loved women and sex.  My mother had tolerated him and allowed me to spend my days and nights with this boy.  She had known that he was a mistake but she allowed me to live my life.  I learned many bad things from him.  I was 22 years old.  The relationship ended when he said he wanted to have sex with another person and perhaps I would wait for him.

These are only two parts of my story.  For many years, I was filled with selfishness and I lacked confidence in my self-worth.  How could this be?  I was doing exactly as I wanted and that is, to live my life the way I wanted to.  Year after year, I grew sick with my mental illness.  Eventually, I lost my job.

Broken and now having to be responsible for paying rent for my apartment, I talked to God.  

I do not remember when God found me but I began seeking Him.  He gave me the grace of understanding that I have a will where I can choose what happens in my story and that He will not intervene in my will.

With this understanding, my will jumped from self-centerdness to wanting only to do the will of God.  What is the will of God?  In my own understanding, it is to reach holiness despite daily temptations to go back to self-centerdness.  Instead of making only a cup of coffee for myself every morning, I made a cup of coffee for my husband, as a gift to him.  I DID NOT HAVE TO DO IT, but I did it.  Instead of wallowing in self-pity day after day, I created a routine to get up early, make breakfast for my daughter and husband, say my prayers, etc.  I DID NOT HAVE TO DO THESE, but I did them.  Instead of listening to what I WANTED TO HEAR in my husband’s conversations, I listened to what HE had to say, without judgment.  I DID NOT HAVE TO DO THIS, but I did.

Is this the will of God?  I do not fully know, but I know I want to choose to do His will.  So far, this will lead me to think of others, on how can I make their day more pleasant;  on how I can show them kindness and compassion; and, on how I can love them.

My reward (there is always an expectation of a reward) is peace, joy, and many other graces and virtues from God. These are immeasurable and invisible. Is this not what God is?  May God cover me with peace, joy, and many other graces and virtues forever.

Now, my story is one that I am blessed with and when I am face-to-face with God, I will be able to enthusiastically tell him what I did with the life He gave me. What is the story of your life? You have a choice.