Prevention or Repulsion

by | Nov 10, 2022 | (Helpful) Stories, Reflection, Testimonies, Uncategorized | 0 comments

So, the little voice told me that I won the Powerball lotto.  As a person with mental illness, depression, and anxiety, I ruminated over his words.  That is where I became tempted.

Me thought:  As I promised, I will spend the winnings doing good.  I will pay for my daughter’s tuition and give . . .no, donate the money to St Therese Church to build a high school. . .no, a Carmelite High School.

(I continue to ruminate)

Me thought:  I will tell my husband tonight that I won the Powerball.

Liar Liar thought:  I will not tell my husband tonight.  I will go to the store and sign the ticket and cash in.  Then, I will pay my daughter’s tuition and give the money to the Church. . .St Therese Church to build a Carmelite high school.

With Me Thoughts and Liar Liar Thoughts, with mental illness, I couldn’t tell which thoughts to follow.  I noticed the Thoughts from Me and Liar Liar were the same but different.  I struggled from being tempted.  Me Thoughts were holy and prevented me from using the money for selfish gain.  Liar Liar Thoughts were unholy and, opposite to prevention, repulsed my holy thoughts into selfish gain.

With mental illness, I struggled all night with both types of thoughts, and it is 12:46 a.m. now.

So, I took refuge in prayer and prayed the St. Augustine’s Prayer to the Holy Spirit

Breathe in me, O Holy Spirit, that my thoughts may all be holy. Act in me, O Holy Spirit, that my work, too, may be holy. Draw my heart, O Holy Spirit, that I love but what is holy. Strengthen me, O Holy Spirit, to defend all that is holy. Guard me, then, O Holy Spirit, that I always may be holy. 

Amen.

From https://youtu.be/zqbWF_kCxPI
Disclaimer:  I did not win the Powerball lotto.  Perhaps the winner is a member of this community.  I hope his family picks St Therese Church School. 🙏

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