It took me six hours last time to realize LOVE IS PATIENCE (from my other blog entitled Love is Patience). Today, it took me seven hours to realize PATIENCE IS LOVE. Last time, my husband was patient with me because he loves me. This time, God was patient with me because He loves me.
How is God being patient with me? I was praying to pass my anxiety. There I heard the little voice, “Listen to your husband and go to the bed and relax.” I followed and tucked myself into bed and closed my eyes. But, my mind was active and so I had to engage my husband in a conversation. As my anxiety was preeminent, my husband became disappointed in me because I did not listen and obey the voice. He truly believed me that I heard the voice and it was of God. He said, “Why are you arguing with Him?” Thoughts of disrespect and guilt overshadowed my mind. Then, a clarifying explanation came over me. (Perhaps led by the Holy Spirit.) It became clear that I was not arguing, but I was not surrendering to Him.
My mind yearned to be as calm as a stream. Yet, I thought I would be better off engaging my husband in a conversation and eventually alleviate my anxiety. I did not trust the Lord enough to lay down calmed and relaxed, and just say, Jesus, I Trust in You. Moreover, being calmed and relaxed at this time would cause me to do something or anything that was productive. As the conversation progressed, my anxiety perpetuated.
Despite my obstinance in not surrendering to the Lord, my husband bid me, “Be patient . . . like God has patience with you . . . He wants to pour out His merciful love to you . . . all you have to do is receive it!” I said, “How do I receive it?” He said, “Keep His Faith in you.” I accepted my husband’s bidding and began to bury myself in the Rosary. I thought, how? Then, it was revealed to me that I would keep praying the rosary when I was finished with five decades – the Joyful Mysteries. While I prayed, I noticed I was praying for myself alone, and it gave me satisfaction to myself every time I finished each Hail Mary. I finished the Joyful Mysteries. After realizing this, for some reason, I laid my hands on the round pillow pretending I was covering my hands over a friend’s head. That day, my friend had asked for prayers. I began praying the Joyful Mysteries again, with my hands facing down on the pillow. With each Hail Mary, I felt warmth in my entire hands, as if something was radiating out from them. I realized I was focusing on praying for both me and the friend with sincerity. My self-centered praying somehow changed as I inched away from praying for myself alone. With sincerity in prayer, I felt and received the warmth of God’s love for both of us. His Faith and Love were kept in continuing to pray the second Joyful Mystery. Finally, I sighed that His love permeated/transcended through my thoughts, warming my entire being. I believe that my soul was filled with love and it was because God was patient with me because He loves me. I resisted his words to be calmed and relaxed. By now, I suffered for more than seven hours. It was 2:30 a.m. on a Tuesday morning before I was back to my old self. God certainly was patient with me. His patience is love.
Love is also patience. These two active words cannot be separated from each other. Where there is patience, there is love and where there is love, there is patience. In a course of two events, I have been fortunate to learn love and patience.
Thank you very much for sharing, I learned a lot from your article. Very cool. Thanks. nimabi