My stepson passed away yesterday.
His brothers gathered with his father at my home. They shared the memories of their brother in his life of experiences. They shared the memories of his happiness. They shared the memories of theirs. And, they shared more hurt in their families of relatives.
I asked that one day, they forgive but was rebutted with anger and unforgiveness. Their hurt for 14 years was so deep that they became what did not ever want to be, without knowing it – hurting others with their words, because they hurt so much when they were children.
Hurt is a finicking thing. Hurt begets hurt. And it can be vicious and make the person ugly in their lives. The person becomes unconscious of what he is becoming and his thoughts and words unknowingly become indulging and create more turmoil in those listening to them.
So, I was wary of this and just said that I was sorry they were hurt. My stepson, “It is not your fault. You don’t need to be sorry.” I was sorry because not for myself but the empathy I felt. So he kept quiet and said time will heal.
Yes, time will heal because you forget BUT with the healing power of God, the unconscious still harbors this hurt and eventually makes the person “missed” – unresolved.
However, my stepsons are resilient and already began forgiving yesterday, as they talked and shared everything.
So we, as a family, mourn the next weeks and next weeks. I remind them to forgive. And they reminded me that they will live their lives thinking only of the good memories of their oldest brother passed.