Reader, I have found my passion in writing back.  It is the dark side of my life as a person suffering from mental illness, anxiety, and depression.  It is hell.

Last week, I tried to write about ordered love.  The dark side to this is that it is just simply that.  Love that is ordered.  Over the past year, I have been invited to join a money-making scheme all in the pretense of love.

I was promised a car and $53K as a gift, for a small fraction of an input of dollars on my part.  

[I feel so much anger now towards myself and everyone.]

I will call the person Bishop.  Bishop would text me in the early hours of the morning while my husband waited for me to return to bed.  That, in itself, is a red flag that I did not recognize at the time.  I was immersed in the conversations with Bishop of my day and what I loved doing most which is to write.  One morning he mentioned that he made an investment and asked me invest.  I did.  He gave me the love I needed and in return I bought into his scam.

Eleven months down the road, I did not get my gifts and was in debt of $10K.

As Bishop and I texted over months, he discovered what was missing in my life between me and my husband.  In stupidity, I went to hell for him. . .I was admitted into the hospital 4 times and twice in the emergency room.  I have still not recovered.

When I think back now, meeting Bishop led to hell in my life.  So, reader, beware that ordered love requires payment and gives rise to hell.